How do I breathe when I‘m feeling so desperate?

“No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche.  She wants an abortion as an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg.”    — Frederica Mathewes-Green

You may feel desperate because to you, this pregnancy is a battle of survival.  One of you must win, and it’s going to be you.

Here is something for you to think about:  Your feelings of desperation are just that – feelings.  Feelings change from minute to minute, day to day.  Slow down; take a breath.  Don’t let your feelings control you – YOU control your feelings.

You’re looking at your pregnancy – this baby – as an impossible issue to deal with.  Why is that?  Becoming pregnant brings a lot of change whenever it happens, no matter to whom it happens.  Why don’t all women feel your desperation when they learn they’re pregnant?

It’s because not all women’s lives are as complicated as yours is right now.  You’ve brought your baby into your life at a time of instability.  You think being pregnant is more than you can possibly handle.  You feel panic, as all the changes a baby could bring to your way of life flash through your mind.

You are afraid of losing your identity.

You feel you’ve lost control.

What is it that you want to save in winning the battle of survival against your baby?

  • Your relationship with the baby’s father?
    • Should your child’s life be sacrificed so that you can continue, unchanged, in this relationship?
  • Your safety – your security?
    • What will you do the next time you get pregnant or displease him?
  • Your identity?
    • A baby doesn’t destroy an identity, she enhances it.
    • How do you think having an abortion will affect your identity?
  • Your way of life?  Your routines?
    • Did you expect that your way of life and routines would never change?
  • Control over your life?
    • This baby was conceived while you thought you had control over your life.  But it happened anyway.  Our reactions to unexpected events define who we are.

You can’t always control your life, but you can control how you live it.

  • Begin a plan to take every step necessary to provide for the health and safety of the child who’s now living and growing inside of you.
  • Seek out people who will truly help you make a home for yourself and your child.
  • Protect your health and your memories during this pregnancy.

As you do, you will feel your desperation draining from you, and hope will begin to fill you up.  You will start to recognize an excitement building, a joy, a feeling of pride, because you are your baby’s protector and provider.

What beautiful feelings you’ve traded for the desperate ones you left behind!