My boyfriend doesn’t want to get married. Doesn’t my child deserve to be raised by two parents?

 

Answer: You’re pregnant and the baby’s father doesn’t want to get married. Something that will help you while you’re making all the decisions you have to make now that you’re pregnant is this simple suggestion: Sort out the issues. What does that mean? It means to take things one-at-a-time. Don’t mix relationship issues with parenting issues with school issues with work issues and on and on. You’ll end up with a big mess, and have more questions than answers.

You’re pregnant and you have to come to a decision about whether your child will live or die. That’s your first decision.

• Can this life-or-death decision be made without considering your relationship with the the baby’s father? Yes.
• Can it be made without considering what your parents say? Yes.
• Can it be made without thinking about how it will affect your schooling? Yes.
• Your job? Yes.
• Your friends? Yes
• Your age? Yes.
• How much money you make? Yes.
• Where you’ll live? Yes.

How can that be?

• The decision to let your child live or not should not depend on what’s going on with you and the baby’s father.
• Your child has worth as a human being whether her father is in your life or not.
• Your child is precious no matter what your parents think.
• Your child is a once-in-an-eternity creation no matter how much you earn or where you live.
• None of the things happening in your life, and none of the people involved in your life should dictate that your child be put to death. Make your child’s life-or-death decision first. The rest of your decisions will fall in place after that, one by one.

Yes, you feel more alone in this than if your baby’s father had wanted to marry you and make a family with you and your baby. You may have never thought of yourself as a single mom. Your dream may have been to raise your child within a happy, secure marriage. Now those plans seem trashed. Not only that, but part of you may resent carrying the baby of a man who has rejected you. You may feel used and manipulated. Now your life must change dramatically, and his won’t seem to change much at all. It doesn’t seem fair.

• The best thing to do right now is to take care of yourself and your baby.
• You can move on with life and make a family of your own, starting with you and your baby.
• Keep things simple and enjoy what you have.
• Be proud that you’ve chosen the best decision for yourself and your child.
• Be strong in your convictions and keep focused on what you need to do.

People will start coming out of the woodwork to help you. What do I mean by that? It means that people around you are looking for a cue from you to know how to help. If you stay muddled in indecision and doubt about continuing your pregnancy, people will try to “rescue” you with well-meant but often bad advice. But if they see your conviction and strength of purpose to make a home for yourself and your baby, they will take your cue and ask if they can be of help.

• Say “Yes!”
• Tell them specifically what they can do for you, or what you need the most.
• Then thank them and be grateful.

A strong and mature woman attracts strong and mature men. Just because you have a small family right now that doesn’t include a father for your child doesn’t mean that your life will stay that way forever. Even your child’s father may have a change of heart as time passes and he has the opportunity to mature and learn to appreciate and respect the important things in life. Meanwhile, you should be getting financial support from him for the baby.

Be sure to take the time to make a call to your local Pregnancy Help Center. (Find a local one in the Yellow Pages under “Abortion Alternatives.”) They have wonderful referrals for single mothers. You will be amazed at the abundance of help available to you.

You don’t need to walk through this pregnancy alone.